Sherlock Sara Holmes
by Kathy Heart
Summary: Genderfluid Sherlock has to tell John the truth. Bisexual Rugby John. Genderfluid Sherlock. Unilock. Balletlock.
1. Sara

"I'm genderfluid"

Sherlock Holmes stood in front of his mirror, looking into the startling blue eyes of his reflection. He was dressed in a lilac button up and tighter-than-usual dark jeans with artful tears. Male today, yes, but definitely feeling feminine.

He was practicing.

Sherlock had been dating John Watson for four months. At 20 years old, and with John and 22, the two Uni students had a lot of life left to live, and as far as Sherlock was concerned, he intended to live it with John. But would John feel the same way after he revealed that last, crucial fact about himself? That some days he was Sara, a young woman of 20 with an affinity for eyeliner and sundresses.

Sherlock was built well for being genderfluid. He was lithe, with a feminine frame and finely carved features, his high cheekbones accentuating his ethereally beautiful face. When he made an effort, he passed reasonably well. But today, Sara was not present.

"I'm genderfluid"

Sherlock repeated it again and again, trying to come to grips with the fact that he could no longer bear hiding this from John.

John was coming over to watch a movie and would be there any moment. Sherlock took several deep breaths and turned to head toward the kitchen. The popcorn had just finished when John used his key to get in, lightly tapping the doorframe as he entered.

"Sherlock?" He called, looking around before he smelled the popcorn and headed for the kitchen.

Sherlock was tense all night, and John noticed. He was worried. Was the tall young man planning on breaking up with him? Was there an issue? Was he making him uncomfortable?

Finally John tugged Sherlock down so that he was sitting on the floor with his back against the couch. John sat cross legged on the couch behind him and began to rub the taller man's shoulders, humming softly.

"You know Sherlock, I was thinking-"

"I'm genderfluid."

Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit. Sherlock closed his eyes, it had come out without meaning to, it had come out before he was ready and oh John had gone so still.

"What's that?"

Sherlock blew out a breath and got to his feet and beginning to pace. "To be genderfluid is to feel some days that you are male, and other days that you are female. Some days I prefer wearing slacks and a suit jacket, and others…" he swallowed hard "I prefer dresses or female blouses. I like how it looks, and I like to be called female pronouns and be called Sara" He bit his lip, turning to face John, who was slightly slack jawed. He cleared his throat.

"You're both a man…and a woman? Like a cross dresser?"

"No!" Sherlock said hastily "No no no" He began to pace again "I am never both. That is known as Androgyny, or being gender-neutral. Typically those pronouns are "they, them, theirs", but it varies. Cross-dressers are those who still identify as one gender but dress as the opposite sex or in neutral clothing. But I…I am genderfluid and I haven't come out to anyone but you. Some days I am male and some days I am female and th-that doesn't make me a freak!" He said the last word in a constricted voice.

"Sherlock!" John jumped to his feet and caught him by the shoulders, stopping his pacing "I love you"

Sherlock went very still and looked down at him.

"You aren't a freak, you aren't Sherlock Holmes, and don't ever let me hear you say that again!" John shook his head "Sherlock, this is just a new part of you, Sara is a part of you that I don't know, though I've probably known that side of you without realizing because you said you were closeted right?"

Sherlock nodded slowly.

"I'm sure you look absolutely beautiful in a dress" John smiled softly "It might take me a little while to understand, but I will always strive to make you comfortable. Just tell me when and I swear I'll call you Sara and by female pronouns and everything! Because I love you Sherlock Holmes, and I wouldn't change a thing about you!"

Sherlock felt tears welling in his eyes and swayed slightly on the spot. John caught him by the waist and pulled him into his arms, and Sherlock buried his face into the crook of John's neck and they stayed there for a long, long while.

"I love you too."

It was the next day, and Sara was nervous. She had just made the final adjustments to her outfit. She'd pulled out her secret box of female clothing and taken a dress with padding sewn into the chest from the back of the closet, slipping it on along with a pair of flats. She pulled on a cardigan, applied eyeliner, and took a deep breath.

"Ready?" She called from behind her bedroom door.

"Ready!" John called from the sitting room.

Sara emerged slowly, biting her lip as she stepped into view.

John sucked in a breath and then his face relaxed in a smile.

"Sara…" he said softly "You look beautiful"


	2. Parents (Gay?)

"Sara, I'm sorry"

"It doesn't matter"

"It doesn't have to be today-"

"They're expecting us John, we can't do anything about it"

John was sitting on the end of Sara's bed. It was the fifth month of their relationship, and today was the day that Sara would be introducing John to his parents.

Sara was, in all honesty, not sure what to call her sexuality. When Sherlock she was gay, when Sara she was straight; in essence, she was exclusively attracted to men.

Though her intentions for the day were to come out to her parents as what they would categorize as 'gay', she was nowhere near ready to admit that she had a box of female clothing with padding sewn into the chest, and that for her birthday John has gotten her an expensive pair of silver earrings that she'd seen when they were out at the nearby shopping center.

In any case, Sara was forced to pull on masculine clothes; a lilac button up with the sleeves rolled up and black trousers. Per John's reccomendation, she wore a pair of scarlett boyshort panties under the trousers, just to feel a little more comfortable.

John felt helpless. He knew his girlfriend would be feeling dysphoric for days after this, as she did when she was forced to wear male clothes on days when she was certainly female. He had come to understand more about genderfluidity, had asked Sara questions which she had answered openly, and had learned her dress size.

It was only a half hour drive to the Holmes house, and when they arrived they were greeted by a very affectionate Violet Holmes who embraced her 'son'.

"Sherlock, oh we missed you so much, it's been simply ages!"

"Hello Mother" Sara's reply was guarded, as the deceptively kindly-faced woman (who in reality had the disposition of a tiger) smiled at her child. She hadn't noticed John yet, who lingered on the front step.

Samuel Holmes came ambling down the smile, placing a hand on his wife's shoulder "Sherlock" he greeted with a smile "We've missed-"

"Who's this?"

Mrs. Holmes' keen eyes were fixed on John.

Sara took a step back and took a deep breath "Mother…Father…this is John Watson. My boyfriend"

John smiled and extended a hand "Lovely to meet you Mrs.-"

The hand was slapped aside and suddenly John was being embraced by the surprisingly strong arms of the old woman "Finally Sherlock tells us, good Lord you must be special for our Sherlock to have chosen you"

Though Sara internally winced every time her mother called her Sherlock, she was relieved at this reception, and the rest of the visit passed very well, with questions directed at John about what he was studying ("to be a doctor, ma'am"), if he played sports (I'm captain of the Uni's rugby team), and how long they'd been dating ("Five months today")

They left the house after dinner and were back to their University by 8. Sara, despite the success of the day, felt awful.

"Oh love…" John sighed softly "Go on go get dressed into something more comfortable. I'll stay late and we'll have a cuddle on the couch, yeah?"

Sara emerged from her bedroom fifteen minutes later in a comfortable cotton crop top and cutoff linen shorts. She curled up in John's lap and cuddled close.

"I love you" he said gently "You were brilliant today. And tomorrow we'll go dress shopping after your ballet practice, yeah?"

Sara nodded, and fell asleep in her boyfriend's strong arms.


	3. Saying No

Sherlock was feeling very good today. It was a week after John had met his parents, and Sherlock was just finishing up ballet practice. His partner, Molly, was a good friend of his who had learned to deal with his eccentricities. They were currently dancing the Nutcracker as a cooldown from a few hours practice under their coach, and as Sherlock was performing the last, perfect lift when John, sweaty and dirty from practice, poked his head around the corner. He smiled fondly at the look of utter contentment and focus on Sherlock's face.

Practice broke up, Sherlock went and changed, emerging to hurry across to his boyfriend.

The pair were out, certainly. John had dated many girls and gone on an unsuccessful date with a male before Sherlock. Being bisexual was very convenient for dating Sherlock Sara Holmes, and John was not ashamed of dating somebody who, to others at least, was male.

Molly waved goodbye as Sherlock and John headed off hand in hand, turning back to her own boyfriend (a fresh from the academy police officer 7 years her senior).

"Greg, I've never seen Sherlock happier than when he's with John" she commented softly, looking up at him.

"Just as long as he's not eyeing you" Teased Officer Greg Lestrade, leaning down to peck her on the nose.

Sherlock was feeling rather feminine that day (though certainly not female) and had dressed accordingly in skinny jeans, a white shirt, and a casual unbuttoned forest green waistcoat. It was all topped with a casual grey jacket that gave a rather nice effect.

They were headed back to Sherlock's for a movie and some popcorn, and ended up cuddled on the couch with an empty bowl on the table in front of them.

It started off innocently enough. A soft, gentle kiss. John would never get used to Sherlock's lips; they were addictive and always tasted of tea and almonds. The kiss deepened. John's hands were meshed in Sherlock's thick, dark curls as Sherlock tentatively parted his lips.

It didn't take long before Sherlock was flat on his back with John straddling him, and for both of them their arousal was abundantly apparent. John was leaving hickies across Sherlock's neck, nibbling his collarbone. His hand slipped down Sherlock's body to palm at the slender man's clothed erection, and oh Sherlock was feeling so overwhelmed. His hips bucked into the feeling but-

"John!" He gasped out "John st-st-stop! Please stop!"

"What?" John sat up at once, face flushed and eyes dark with arousal "What, are you alright? Have I hurt you? Sherlock?"

"N-n-not ready" Sherlock was shaking with arousal and confusion at the overwhelming sensations.

"Oh…" The disappointment on John's face was hastily concealed "Sorry, yeah Sherlock that's alright" He slid off Sherlock lap, standing awkwardly rubbing at his wrist to try to dispel his own erection "That's…yeah, alright."

Sherlock felt a packet of guilt explode in his chest "John, wait!" he said quickly, panic flooding his brain "We can go on, I'm sorry, please don't…we can go on…" Despite his words, his face was white and his blue eyes were wide with trepidation.

"Oh Sherlock…" John crossed the room and cupped Sherlock's face in his hands "It's alright to not be ready. I'll just be in the bathroom, yeah? Ten minutes"

John vanished down the hall.

Sherlock sat up, trembling a little, before shaking his head, slipping on his shoes, and going out into the city to get some air.

When John emerged to find Sherlock gone he swore softly and tried Sherlock's mobile, but it vibrated uselessly on the coffee table.

It was nearing one in the morning when Sherlock returned, surprised to find that John hadn't left.

"Sherlock! You prat, where did you go, why didn't you take your phone, I've been worried s-"

"Quiet John. We need to talk"

"Oh…"

There was silence for a moment before Sherlock indicated that John should sit in the red chair designated for him these days. John obeyed, and Sherlock began to pace.

"I am…uncertain" Said Sherlock quietly, crossing back and forth across the room.

"About?"

"Love"

"Oh"

Silence. Footsteps on the carpet.

"I love you, John. I love you powerfully and beyond the realms of sanity. Today I was willing to go past my own comfort, to be in pain, to do anything to keep you happy. Afraid of losing or displeasing you, I offered you myself, and surely that is not healthy. Were you to tell me to leap off a building, I would ask which one and do so without hesitation."

John was numb, the words ringing in his ears. What was Sherlock saying?

"Love is frustrating. Maddening. It goes beyond reason, beyond sense. It is foolish, and I adore you John, and I am overwhelmed and overjoyed by this…this chemical construct of love. How do I account for it?"

"Sherlock, stop!"

Sherlock went very still, not looking at John. The latter stood and approached, hesitantly cupping the taller man's cheeks in his hands.

"Love is…is madness Sherlock. Love is insane, it goes beyond reason, like you said. But it's a wonderful insanity, love is. It's beautiful and terrifying and you _cannot let it take control like that. _Sherlock, unhealthy relationships are built on one person practically worshiping the other, even beyond their own comfort. We can't let that be us. I-"

Sherlock's resolve to remain expressionless was crumbling. He was very pale and his eyes were stinging with suppressed tears.

"John, I have done my research. I looked all across the internet. While I enjoy snogging, I am unprepared to go 'all the way', which I believe qualifies me as a 'tease', correct? And taking on the submissive female role, it is my duty to please you, is it not? No matter what the cost"

"NO!"

John was appalled "I told you Sherlock, I told you to never go to the internet for advice about relationships, okay? They aren't right, that's not what a healthy relationship is. Whatever we are, it isn't that. You are no less than me, and you always have a right to say no. Do you hear me, Sherlock Sara Holmes? ALWAYS!"

There was a ringing silence before Sherlock crumpled. John lunged forward and caught him. They sank to the floor with John holding his Sherlock, his poor naive Sherlock.

"Hey hey…it's alright, Sherlock, come on, it's alright…"

"I was so…so afraid to tell you. So afraid you were going to tell me that they were all right, that I had to please you, so afraid I was going to lose you John, for saying no…"

"Oh Sherlock…oh Sherlock I love you…I love you so so much…"

Sherlock was crying. John was crying. They were two fools in love, crying on the sitting room floor, all the stronger for it.


End file.
